did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
