you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize