i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
