i may or may not be watching the land before time
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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