The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
