4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
