now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
