3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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