Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
