so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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