hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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