She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
