You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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