I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
