It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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