hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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