I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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