I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
