I think I won the penis lottery.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
