My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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