found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
