I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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