i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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