Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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