I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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