More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
