I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
