He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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