you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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