He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
