I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
