Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
