Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
