Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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