never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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