just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
