do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
