I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
