Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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