i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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