His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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