I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
