When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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