HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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