just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
