I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
