I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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