Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need to align my fucking chakras
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
