At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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