Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize