Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
be right there i have to get my cape
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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