actually, I'm a sock model
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
