Do you still have your period?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
