How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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