Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
