If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
