What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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