All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
