So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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