Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
