Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
