I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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