You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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