The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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