Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
