I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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