he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
