I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
