someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
