you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
