I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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