just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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