sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
