just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The struggles of a small town man whore
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
