I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
