i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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