I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is it because I queefed?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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