ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
someone owes me an orgasm
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
