Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
