Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
