I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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