I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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