wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
love makes seman taste better
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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