I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
