first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
