Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
